Being at Peace with Others and Myself Part 2

Please read Part 1 for context. Thank you.

“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Step 10 of the 12 Steps of recovery — Al anon — adapted from the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. For more information please read my article,Traumatic Brain Injury — What Empowers Me to Go and Make it a good Day — On the Road to Healing — Empowerment — Part 10.

I am so glad that I am encouraged — when ever I am restless, irritable or discontent — to pause and quiet myself. By pausing and quieting myself, I allow the uncomfortable feelings to pass. By doing so I am able to step back from being subjective to being objective. By pausing and quieting myself I am able to be honest with myself. By doing so I am able to focus on the solution.

My sponsor in Alanon reminds me of this spiritual axiom when I am restless, irritable or discontent.

“It is a spiritual axiom that whenever we are disturbed no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us and our first task is to quiet the disturbance. Then we need to take the focus off of others and find out why I am disturbed and then what do I need to do to take care of that disturbance. That is the solution to getting beyond the way we feel”. From the book 12 and 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous

The 10 step as well as the spiritual axiom relieves me of the unrealistic burden of needing to be perfect — for we proclaim spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection.

By pausing and quieting myself — after speaking with my Mom during our brief conversation — I was able to take the focus off of my Mom and to examine why I was disturbed. By examining why I was disturbed I was able to then take steps to take care of that disturbance. When I realized that I was irritable and that I had reacted to my Mom I decided to call her back and make an amends for reacting and being unkind to her.

Through making an amends to my Mom I was able to make peace with her and with myself.

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Being at Peace with Others and Myself Part 1

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Over the past several days I have been under the weather — with a bug. I have also been a little irritable. I am grateful for the opportunity to recognize what is going on with me. Earlier this afternoon I received a call from my Mom — to check in on me. During the conversation I reacted to some thing she said to me. In response to my reaction my Mom decide to cut the conversation short and I complied.

After hanging up the phone I thought about our brief conversation. As I sat and became quiet I realized that I had been unkind to my Mom. I realized that I had reacted out of my irritability. I realized that what I had said to her was a reaction, rather than a response.

Over the next 20 minutes or so I intermittently thought about the brief conversation I had with my Mom. In my reflection I realized that I had been unkind to my Mom. With my awareness I made the decision to call her and ask her to forgive me for barking at her. She accepted my apology and my Mom and I went on to have a pleasant conversation. I am so glad that I called to make the amend. I am also glad that my Mom detached from me when she decided to cut the previous phone call short.

Please read Part 2 for context. Thank you.

As a human being I am susceptible to being irritable, restless and discontent — especially when I am hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick.

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Traumatic Brain Injury — No Longer Lost in Time Part 2

Please read Part 1 for context. Thank you.

Through my recovery process I discovered that I no longer had to define time in the ways that I had for so many years of my life. I no longer needed to “what if” or “when” myself. I no longer needed to view my present through drama and crisis. Instead, I could live in the now. I could view my circumstances as an opportunity to be empowered.

“Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but they are meant to build us up.” Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA

Rather than buying into the notion that what was happening in my life was random and without reason, I began to realize that what was happening in my life had a specific reason and purpose. Nothing happened randomly. With my change of perspective came a new understanding. I discovered that I could live my life differently.

I no longer needed to be tossed about by my circumstances — moving about unpredictably like a pinball by the rudders and flaps of the machine — other wise known as drama and crisis. I no longer needed to believe that I was being victimized by my circumstances.

As I began to realize that my circumstances were not being done to me — but instead for me — I made the decision to start looking for the lesson (s) with in my circumstance(s). When I made the decision to look for the lesson (s) within the circumstance (s) something magical happened to me. I found hope.

As I found hope, I had a spiritual awakening that changed my life forever. Although the awakening was simple in nature, the implications were profound. I discovered that I no longer needed to know my destiny or purpose. Consequently, I could let go of the big picture and trust the process. More so, I discovered that I could trust a loving God.

With my spiritual awakening a tremendous burden was lifted off of me. I could let go of my need to control the process.

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No Longer lost in Time Part 1

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. In life I have made an observation. When the topic of time is discussed I have observed that many people — including myself — are prone to think in terms of past, present and future.

I have also observed that many people — including myself — have a tendency to place judgments on time. The past is frequently judged by a sort of “what iffing” and the future is judged by “when”. What if I had done “that” or said “this”. When I get “this” or do “that”… then I will be…

In the process the present is often stepped over in an attempt avoid the past or to arrive sometime in the future. In a rush to avoid the past and get to some time / place in the future the journey is often over looked and minimized.

I have also observed that for some people the present is merely something to be endured and survived. Moving from one drama or crisis to another drama or crisis becomes the measure of the day and a way to feel alive. For many years I measured the quality of my life by my ability to survive the events of the day –  drama and crisis.

In the process my ability to survive the drama ad the crisis became the measure of my day. My ability to survive what I interpreted as the “storms” of life became my station in life and dictated the quality of  my life.  Consequently, I remained in a constant state of hyper vigilance and anxiety in my attempts to manage the unmanageable.

In my confusion I allowed the circumstances, drama’s and crisis’s in my life  to keep me confused, discouraged and dis empowered. In the process I allowed myself to be drained of my spiritual, emotional and physical resources.  When I realized what I was doing to myself I looked for a way out of the box that I had created for myself.

Please read Part 2 for context. Thank you.

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Making Twitter Work for Me

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop to visit with me. I have recently signed up and got involved with the Twitter experience. My Twitter address is http://twitter.com/secondchancetol/ for anyone who may like to follow me. As with everything there is a learning curve. My new experience with Twitter has been helpful in various ways.

After setting up my account with Twitter and becoming acclimated with the twitter process, I began the process of following and being followed. During the past week my followers have increased from 15 to 121. With each new follower I received an email notification. In response I took the time and energy to both follow each of the individuals and then to leave each of those individuals a direct message. The process was time and energy consuming.

Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator. Robert Owen

As the week unfolded more and more of my time and energy was being used to manage the twitter process. When I realized that my time and energy were being depleted I decided to make some changes. I made the decision to make the twitter process work for me, rather than allowing myself to be driven by the twitter process. Consequently I made the decision to limit my twitter experience and process to individuals and organizations with similar motivations — to encourage, motivate and empower.

I made the decision to be empowered by the twitter process, rather than be driven by the twitter process.

Today’s thought

I resolve to be empowered by the process, rather than depleted and distracted by the process. I can learn from the process and then make the process work for me. I can celebrate the process, because I know that I am a work in process. I do not have to be bogged down by the process because with everything there is a learning curve.

“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only a half possession…Do that which is assigned to you, and you can not hope too much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

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To Live Beyond Limitations Part 4 of 4

Please read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 for context. Thank you.

Humiliation, rather than humility subsequently reinforced my sense of shame and inadequacy. Humiliation distorted my perceptions and held me captive to the belief that who I was and what I had to contribute in life did not matter. Because of my distorted perceptions — prior to understanding the distinction between humility and humiliation — I could not take the risk to be humble. I had to keep hyper vigilant. I had to be on guard.

With time and through my recovery process I cam to understand that humility validates and heralds my best efforts as good enough for today. Because I have learned how to trust the process — rather than trying to control the process — humility has been able to encourage me do the foot work and then let go of the out comes.

Through maintaining humility I am able to revel in what I am experiencing in the now — with out a fear of reprisal. As I let go of my need to justify, answer and defend who I am — I am able to be. As I am able to be I am free to create with out the threat of being criticized or shamed for my efforts. Consequently, I am able to focus on excellence — instead of striving to be perfect — with each new day.

In the pursuit of excellence, I no longer need to listen to the voice of humiliation or be humiliated by my efforts. Consequently, I can rest though my efforts and live beyond my limitations because I do not have to focus on my limitations. Humility allows me to accept who I am, where I am at today. Humility allows me to learn from my experience — rather than judging my experiences. Humility empowers my perspective and motivates me to learn from my circumstances.

Humility gives me the freedom to be who I am, where I am… Humility releases me to live beyond my limitations because I do not have to depend on my own resources. Humility teaches me to stay in the moment. Humility helps me to find my center. Humility teaches me to trust the process, a loving God and myself.

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To Live Beyond Limitations Part 3 of 4

Please read Part 1 and Part 2 for context. Thank you.

Humiliation on the other hand scorns. Humiliation’s motive is to control and limit .Humiliations by nature strips the individual of their uniqueness, self-esteem, self- respect and value. Humiliation demands justification. Humiliation seeks to disparage, minimize and marginalize the individual — at their very core. Humiliation promotes fear and insecurity. Humiliation undermines enthusiasm and motivation. Humiliation promotes fear. Humiliation cripples initiative. Humiliation quashes hope.

Prior to understanding the distinction between humility and humiliation I berated myself on a daily basis. I believed that I was the problem and thus deserved to be victimized and humiliated by life and the people in my world. Consequently, I felt trapped by the voice of criticism and the clamoring of shame. My efforts to be enough were constantly chided as inadequate. Consequently, I developed insecurity, low self-esteem and low self-worth. I did not believe that I made mistakes, but that I was a mistake.

At the core of my being humiliation chided me as inadequate and unlovable. My attempts to quiet the voice of humiliation — shame and criticism — only seemed to reinforce the impact that humiliation had upon my life. Unrealistic expectations kept me anxious and depressed. Humiliation reinforced the belief that I could not do enough to be enough. Humiliation stymied my being through intimidation. Humiliation consequently demanded that I be perfect before I could hope to find peace — with other people, much less than with myself.

Please read Part 4 for context. Thank you.

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To Live Beyond Limitations Part 2 of 3

Please read Part 1 for context. Thank you.

Humility breeds brings security, because the individual knows that they can trust the process, a loving God and themselves. Humility encourages the individual to let go of that which is out of their control. Humility motivates the individual to ask for help because the individual realizes that they do not have to lean on their own understanding or resources. Humility empowers hope — through trust — because the individual knows that more will be revealed.

Humility seeks to set the individual free, because the individual knows that they can practice easy does it. Humility motivates the individual to take risks because there is no threat of reprisal. Humility encourages the individual to succeed, while at the same time cheer leading their efforts. Humility celebrates the individual as a work in progress. Humility teaches the individual to stay in the moment, to enjoy the process, to do the foot work and to let go of the outcomes.

Humility reinforces self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. Humility does not seek justification. Humility does not disparage, minimize or marginalize. Humility does not condescend. Humility is free of contempt. Humility is patient and kind. Humility champions and supports the individual. Humility readies the individual for service. Humility empowers with wisdom. Humility gently reveals power through change.

Humility teaches the individual that they are on a journey. Humility teaches the individual that on that journey, the process is more important than the destination. Humility teaches the individual that — some times with seeming serendipity — they are being led in the direction of their destiny

Please read Part 3 for context. Thank you.

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To Live Beyond Limitations Part 1 of 3

Welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. I have been thinking about a very powerful principle. I have found that this principle — when applied — helps me to step out of my limitations into the abundance of possibilities. Discouragement is disbanded as an illusion of lack. The conceivable becomes attainable while apprehension is traded for hope.

Progress rather than perfection becomes a way of life.The bondage of needing to be perfect is replaced with the pursuit of excellence.

The voice of inadequacy is replaced with the voice of enough. I no longer have to be right to feel secure. I am free to say, “I don’t know”. I am made strong when I am weak. I am free to take risks because I realize that I can not fail. I am able to laugh at myself because I know that I am learning. I am able to let go of outcomes because I know that I will get what I need. I can trust the process, a loving God and myself because I do not have to know the big picture.

The principle that I am referring to is humility. Through my process, I have learned a very valuable lesson. Humility is not humiliation.

Humility promotes and empowers the individual through meekness. Humility sets the individual free to accept themselves — because the individual knows that they do not have to prove their worth or value. Humility regales the individual with hope because the individual knows that possibilities exist. Humility encourages learning, because the individual realizes that they do not have to already know everything. Humility encourages sets the stage for learning curves.

Please read Part 2 and Part 3 for context. Thank you.

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Fulfilling Your Destiny…regardless Part 2 of 2

Please read Part 1 of 2 for context. Thank you.

Who minimized and marginalized my vision and mission is not important. What is important is that I allowed their comments and perspective to distract my vision and mission. With my awareness I have been able to re-set my course and regain my center. Although I am powerless over what other people say and do, I am not helpless.

With my awareness, I can choose to make healthy choices. I can choose to practice live and let live. I can choose limit the time that I spend with individuals who — either overtly / covertly minimize or marginalize my mission and vision. I can choose to use my time and energy in ways to enhance rather than distract from my mission and vision.

I can choose to stay the course. I can focus on the task that is before me. I can choose to pursue my passion. I can choose to fulfill my destiny…regardless

“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half-possession…Do that which is assigned to you, and you can not hope to much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

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