Having an Invisible Disability – The Consequence of Denying Reality—Part 1
Posted by Second Chance to Live on August 21, 2007
Welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friends. I am happy you decided to stop by and visit with me. I have been thinking about a reality. Today is the first day or the rest of our lives. We get to choose how to spend and use our time. I am reminded that I am powerless over people, places and things, however I am not powerless over my attitude. My attitude and the perspective I choose to maintain determine how I experience my life.
I have found that when I believe that I am a victim of my circumstances I feel helpless.
As I have shared in my 4 part series, My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability, not every one is going go accept the limitations of my disability. My responsibility — if I chose to accept that some people do not have eyes to see and ears to hear — is to honor myself. Although some people may be angry with me because I can not be more or do more, I do not have to take on their anger. When I allow people the dignity to own their attitudes or perspectives I free myself from the need to rescue or fix those individuals.
I do not need to “fix” them or make them OK with me so that they will not be angry with me.
Through my experience, I have learned that when I attempt to “fix” anyone — so that they will not be angry with me, in order that we can be OK, so that I can be OK — I live in a state of panic and dread. Through my recovery process I found a title for this dynamic: toxic shame based codependency. Toxic shame based codependency creates lose-lose outcomes. Many times, when toxic shame based codependency is being practiced, double-messages are given. Manipulation occurs as these double messages create inconsistency and emotional hostage taking.
Behaviors, which convey messages such as “come close go away”, incite the fear of physical and emotional abandonment.
For many years, the threat of physical and emotional abandonment led me to disown the parts of myself that were not pleasing to the people of significance in my life. In my attempts to reduce the threat of emotional abandonment, I developed a false self. Unconsciously I was conditioned to disown whatever did not please the love objects in my life. Consequently, I had no idea who I was, what I liked or what I wanted from life.
Through the course of reaching my own emotional bottom, I came to realize that I desperately needed to stop doing the “dance” to prevent people from being angry with me.
In my experience, in order to live an empowered life; I had to get off of the merry-go-round of denial. I had to stop attempting to people please and approval seek so that people would not be angry with me. I had to let people be responsible for their anger when I did not measure up to their expectations for me. I had to learn to accept myself as a traumatic brain injury survivor, regardless of whether people of significance in my life could accept that reality.
I had to learn how to live in my skin and be at peace with myself.
Please read Part 2 of this article by clicking on Having an Invisible Disability – The Consequence of Denying Reality—Part 2
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This entry was posted on August 21, 2007 at 6:21 am and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, ABI: Acquired Brain Injury, abuse and neglect, Acquired Brain Injury, acquired brain injury and feeling alienated, Acquired Brain Injury and Suicide, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Adult Children of Alcoholics living with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, Awareness Acceptance Action, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury Associations, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, celebrities with brain injuries, cerebral vascular accident, Children of Trauma, Closed Head Injury, Codependency, combating brain injury isolation, Desert Storm Veterans, Families impacted by brain injuries, family, Finding practical hope as a tbi survivor, finding your bliss, Finding Your Significance, Friends, Fulfilling your Destiny, Gulf War Veterans, Harnish Your Adveristy, head injury, How to Make Peace with God, Invisible Disability, Iraq veterans, Iraq War Veterans, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, Life, life challenging experiences, living life on life's terms, living with a brain injury, Living with a Disability, Living with a disability and overcoming being bullied, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivaional Speaker, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, No Longer a Victim, Ophra Winfrey, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming a Fear of Failure, Overcoming being Bullied, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide, relationships, Religion, Revealing your Destiny, self-esteem, Self-Respect and Significance, Serving humanity, Soldiers and Marines who sustained traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injury, spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection, traumatic / acquired brain injury, Traumatic Brain Injury, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, Traumatic Brain Injury and Comfort, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Hope, Traumatic Brain Injury and Learning, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, traumatic brain Injury in adults, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans Living with Brain Injuries, Veterans of the Iraq War, Vietnam Veterans, Virginia Tech Shootings, What is my Destiny?. Tagged: awareness, double messages, Health, honor, Learning to Love / Accept Yourself, Self-Acceptance, World. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.