My Journey Thus Far — Part 2

For sake of context, could I ask you a favor? Would you please read the 1st part and then the 2nd part before reading the 3rd part of My Journey thus Far ? Thank you for your patience with me as I seek to be of service to you my reader.

The accident happened in 1967. At that time, there was a limited understanding into neurological rehabilitation, at least in my circumstances. Consequently, I was on my own. I taught myself how to walk, talk, speak in complete sentences and was mainstreamed back into elementary school. I went on to graduate — on time — with my high school class in 1975.

Because I was able to perform and succeed academically and was able to overcome many obstacles, the impact and significance of my brain injury would lie dormant for many years. From the age of 10, I sought to resolve having an unknown invisible disability (being a traumatic brain injury survivor) with a belief system that convinced me that I had to be perfect to prove my worth and value. Needless to say, the injury to my brain consistently impeded my ability to be perfect.

Consequently, I developed a pervasive sense of shame, a low self-esteem as well as a lot of insecurities.

I believed that I was intrinsically defective at the core of my being, which also undermined my ability to rely on the God of my understanding. As a result, I thought that I was on my own to figure out why I never was unable to measure up to expectations. In my efforts to live up to being perfect, I developed a grandiose sense of responsibility. This belief system set the stage for me to become a human doing, as I attempted to overcompensate for my low self-esteem, my insecurities and the impact of my invisible disability.

In addition to over achieving, I resorted to people pleasing and approval seeking. When this approach proved to be ineffective, I tried to anticipate what others wanted or needed through mind reading. All too often I found myself saying, “I am sorry” when I got it wrong. I also tried to control outcomes so that I could avoid the pain of shame. None of these strategies provided freedom from the affects of shame. These strategies only seemed to reinforce what I had been led to believe — that there was something inherently wrong with me.

In my desperation, I set out on a personal crusade to root out the reasons why I consistently seemed to fall short.

In this pursuit, I became obsessively involved with various churches. I spent countless hours saturating myself in bible study, scripture memory and listening to a wide array of teachers –from charismatic, full gospel, fundamental, non-denominational, and denominational churches / leadership. I attempted to apply what I was learning, but continued to fall short. Some would say that I just did not do enough: pray, read, or believe. To that notion, I would say phooey.

My interest was to do whatever it took to become a victorious over comer and at the same time to be of service to the God of my understanding and to my fellow man. In this pursuit, I went on to obtain my undergraduate degree in theology from Oral Robert’s University. I attended Asbury Theological Seminary for 1 year and then went on to obtain my master’s degree in Rehabilitation Counseling from the University of Kentucky. Concluded in Part 3

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