Traumatic Brain Injury and the Pinball Machine
Posted by secondchancetolive on January 22, 2008
Hi, and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am glad to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. I have been meditating on a topic that I believe is at the foundation of being able to live life on life’s terms. In my experience, I had to resolve the matter in my own mind and heart before I could grow beyond my grief. For many years, I felt like one of the balls inside a pinball machine. Life seemed to be a gauntlet of circumstances that bumped me from one set of circumstances to another set of circumstances.
As I ricocheted among the paddles, flippers, kickers and slingshots of life, I became resentful. I became resentful towards the God of my understanding. I bought into the notion that the paddles, flippers, kickers and slingshots of life occurred because I did not measure up to the expectations that God had for me. Over time my resentments turned to anger, however I did not believe that I could be angry at God. The love hate relationship I had with my Dad became apparent as I related to God. As with my Dad, I internalized my anger towards God.
My anger towards the God of my understanding hindered my ability to trust. Because I had a love hate relationship with God I did not believe that I could trust Him. Consequently, for many years I believed that I was on my own. Through a series of events a friend shared a life changing truth with me. He told me that God could handle my anger because He was not mad at me. With time I began to believe what my friend shared with me. As a result, I came to believe that I could be honest with Him — with out a fear of reprisal.
I have been able to tell God why I had been angry with Him and He has loved me through the process.
Today’s Thought
My friend if you are angry with God — for whatever reason — He has ears big enough to listen. God is not mad at you. He is madly in love with you. You are the apple of His eye and He rejoices over you with shouts of joy. His love toward you is immense and He has a future and a hope for you. You can trust in the process, in a loving God and in your ability to learn from the paddles, flippers, kickers and slingshots of life.
Through the process of being honest with God I have learned that circumstances — set in motion by the activity of paddles, flippers, kickers and slingshots — are meant for my good. They are not meant for my harm. They are not punitive. Instead, as I learn from those circumstances, I grow in my experience. My experiences prepare me to take advantage of opportunities that become available and those opportunities point me in the direction of my destiny. Consequently, I know that I have a future and a hope.
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January 24, 2008 at 6:20 am
God surely has given you a gift! You express yourself so well and your thoughts are so familiar to me. God had me by the belt loops for so long. We’ve had some harsh discussions too! But, he’s always there and always shown me the lessons… so clearly seen after the fact. The road you walk makes you what you are. Accepting who you are now is the key, like it or not! I’m working on that one. I’m ok with me, but, it’s the others..family and some friends that are judgemental…my DAD creates a similar problem for me that you went through. I will make it though and it will all be okay. Thanks so much
God Bless, Susan
January 24, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Hi Susan,
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for our kindness and your encouragement. Your encouragement is a tremendous blessing to me Susan. Thank you.
Life is a wonderful experience, even through many struggles exist along the way. I wrote a post some time ago that addresses those struggles, http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2007/03/02/flight-of-the-butterfly/
I have found that owning my reality is essential to my capacity to benefit from my circumstances, experiences and the opportunities that become available to me. In my 4 part series, http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2007/08/14/my-struggle-living-with-an-invisible-disability/ I share about 4 different groups of people. I would encourage you to read My Struggle Living with a Disability. I would also encourage you to read my 2 part series, http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2007/08/21/having-an-invisible-disability-%e2%80%93-the-consequence-of-denying-my-reality%e2%80%94part-1/
I have to guard against buying into other people’s denial systems, lest I minimize and maginalize my own reality.
In my post, http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2007/05/25/whose-shame-are-you-carrying/ I speak to the matter of how shame is used to control and manipulate.
I would strongly encourage you to read through the above posts and then spend some time reading through other articles I have written and are found within http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/site-map/
Thank you again for your time and kindness in leaving a comment.
Have a simply amazing day!
Craig