Traumatic Brain Injury, Fatigue, Anxiety, Anguish and Depression Part 2
Posted by secondchancetolive on November 12, 2009
Please read Part 1 and Part 3 for context. Thank you.
Consequently, I turned my fatigue, anxiety and anguish inward because I was told that if I just tried harder I could overcome the effects of my traumatic brain injury. I turned fatigue, anxiety and anguish inward as anger toward myself — which perpetuated my anxiety and anguish. Because I turned my anguish inward I found that I sabotaged myself. I undermined my ability to accept myself as a traumatic brain injury survivor.
I continued to berate myself for the fatigue, anxiety and anguish that I experienced until I had a shift in my awareness. Through my recovery process — as a traumatic brain injury survivor — I discovered that traumatic brain injury survivors are more susceptible to becoming fatigued. With my awareness I discovered that I could stop buying into a denial system that — overtly and covertly — berated me for being affected by a traumatic brain injury.
With my awareness I discovered that I could stop fighting against myself.
With my awareness, I realized that I could start living my life in a different way. I realized that I could look for strategies that would actively empower my process as a traumatic brain injury survivor — who experiences fatigue. With my awareness I discovered that I could stop being driven to be more — to prove that my life and my relationships were not impacted by my being a traumatic brain injury survivor. I discovered that I could stop judging my efforts. I discovered that I could start celebrating my process.
I discovered that I could stop berating myself. I discovered that I could stop sabotaging myself. I discovered that I could start being kind to myself. I discovered that I could start embracing myself — as a unique individual who experienced a traumatic brain injury. I discovered that I could begin practicing healthy self-care — without guilt. I discovered that I could become my own advocate. I discovered that I could stay in the moment. I discovered that I could take steps to practice first things first.
I discovered that I could become my own champion. I discovered that I could stay in the moment. I discovered that I could take steps to practice first things first.
Please read Part 3 for context. Thank you.
Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.
Subscribe to Second Chance to Live, Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader
All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA
Megan Federal said
Yes Craig, that’s all well and good, and I accept the fact that I’m a traumatic brain injury survivor; I just don’t like it! I’m not berating myself for not being all that, I’m just mad at other people, without a TBI, keep telling me a better way to live my life. And then she goes and loses a check I gave her!
There are some good characteristics of a TBI:
You never see the same movie twice (especially good for people with memory problems!)
You may make the same mistakes that are common mishaps (that everyone makes) and people assume it’s because of your TBI!
It is accepted if you take a while before you speak and answer (gives you more time to process the information and give the proper response!) but people just think it’s because of your TBI
Sorry Craig, I don’t know why I can’t get what I just typed to copy/paste onto a reply letter to you?!
Now, I’m just thinking of other stuff I need to do, so I can’t spend any more time (right now) on this!
I don’t know what your direct email addy is?
secondchancetolive said
Hi Megan,
I understand. Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow so to say. I hear your frustration Megan You are not alone my friend. I struggled with accepting the realities of my deficits and limitation that my traumatic brain injury created when I was 10 years old. I will be 53 this coming May. I did not know the extent of how my life had been impacted by my brain injury — with acceptance — until about 5-6 years ago. For many many many years I felt like someone all dressed up with no where to go Megan. What I had to offer many people did not seem to want what I had — and I was maligned by many people because of what they did not understand Megan — my invisible disability. It has only been in the last 2 1/2 years that I have truly been able to realize and accept my brain injury — and to see how my brain injury has been apart of my destiny all of my life. Acceptance is a hard thing to come to when I denied my reality. I had to get to a place where I was able to grieve the losses created by my traumatic brain injury.
From what you share with me Megan you sound like you are beginning to grieve the reality of your brain injury. Accepting my reality — i discovered that I did not have to like it. I hear you Megan. In my experience when I got to a place of accepting my reality I was able to take the steps of needed action to look for solutions to deal with what is — my reality Megan. In my opinion, you are doing excellent work Megan. I have discovered that I am powerless over what other people do or don’t do. I have also discovered that I am the only one who can live my life.
Several years ago I felt led to write an article Painting your Portrait {AKA} This is Not a Dress Rehearsal http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2007/03/13/painting-your-portrait-akathis-is-not-a-dress-rehersal/. A year ago a friend of mine passed away. He was 5 years cancer free when he passed away. He was 3 years older than I was at the time. I wrote an article to honor him, The Passing of My Friend http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2008/12/10/the-passing-of-my-friend/. When Dave passed away suddenly — I had spoken to him the Friday before. He died on Monday morning — Dave passed away on December 8, 2008. — the reality of how fragile life can be became clear.
I share the above with you to encourage you to not give up on your process. More will be revealed. At times your progress may seem slow, but remember the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. As the days pass before long you will be able to look back and see how far you have come Megan — because you took the first step and you kept walking. Progress not perfection.
I will leave you with several of my favorite quotes.
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life that you have imagined…You will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau.
“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present with the cumulative force of a who life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half-possession…Do that which is assigned to you , and you can not hope too much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
By the way, to answer my email’s all you have to do is click on reply on your email and then type your response Megan. You do not have to answer through a comment by using my Contact page
Have a great day and God bless you Megan.
Craig