How to Heal Spiritually, Emotionally and Physically – Break the Three Unspoken Rules Part 2
Posted by Second Chance to Live on April 3, 2012
In the event that you have not read Part 1 of this article, I would encourage you to do so at the time by clicking on HERE. Thank you.
And now for Part 2
I have found that the journey to living life on life’s terms comes through awareness, acceptance and action. In the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, there is one line that my sponsor reminds me of at times when I am frustrated with people, “It is better to understand than to be understood”. As I have worked on the reasons for my own restlessness, irritability and discontent, I have been able to let people off the hook. I have also been able to have empathy for the people in my life, who do not seem to know any better.
Below I will share some of my personal experience, strength, and hope on the topic of Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel.
Three rules are often used to mask reality. These rules are Do Not Talk, Do Not Trust and Do Not Feel. These rules give way to a state of helplessness. When helplessness becomes a learned behavior, individuals may unconsciously believe they are trapped by their circumstances. Instead of seeking to learn and grow from their circumstances, being a victim becomes an alternative to living. Living for them is reduced to a series of events to be endured and hopefully survived. Drama replaces vitality. Rather than seeking to be empowered, these individuals consent to the notion that success is measured by survival. Surviving each crisis becomes the unconscious battle cry.
Not only does this mindset undermine the creative capacity of that individual, but it also perpetuates a fear of failure and a cynical outlook upon life. Circumstances and opportunities are equally revered, as a nemesis to be reckoned with on a daily basis. Life itself is reduced to merely clocking in and out each day (as a disgruntled employee) hoping that the minutes and hours pass with increasing speed.
I spent a large part of my life running as fast as I could to avoid the above discontent. I viewed life as a dress rehearsal, to be lived later. But later never seemed to come for me. Through maintaining the belief, that I could do nothing more than survive what was doled out to me, I became a resident reactor. I found myself jumping like a cat on a hot tin roof. Sure, I trusted God with my life, but I saw the actual living part as a battlefield. I felt like a soldier who found himself in a foxhole, attempting to protect himself from every direction. This way of life drained and depleted me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
I reached an emotional bottom, when a relationship ended nearly 17 years ago. The disappointment from that break up changed my life. The emotional pain proved to be the catalyst that motivated me to seek solutions. I began to break the three rules, Don’t talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. I started attending support group meetings, where I listened to other people’s experience, strength and hope. With time, I began to trust people. I shared my pain with them and they listened. I also found myself thawing emotionally as I began to trust the God of my understanding and myself. Slowly I began to see myself as an empowered individual, who no longer needed to be jostled about by events or circumstances.
If you have bought into these 3 rules, I would encourage you to find a safe place to begin processing the reasons why you have been adhering to these three rules. My suggestion would be that you begin attending a 12 Step meeting in your area. Per my experience, my recovery started when I made a commitment — to myself — to regularly attend these meetings. My recovery accelerated when I began working with someone who had what I wanted, serenity. Through working with a sponsor –who protected my anonymity — I learned how to trust and how to speak my truth. You may want to work with a counselor or with another group and that is fine. What is most important is that you begin to talk, trust and feel. As you begin to heal through this process, you will learn to love and trust yourself. As you learn to trust the process, a whole New World will open to you (Please read my post, From My Heart).
Here is my Contact page. Send comments and questions and I will respond to you.
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This entry was posted on April 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, Acquired Brain Injury and Suicide, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, Families impacted by brain injuries, Finding Your Significance, Fulfilling your Destiny, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Post Traumatic Syndrome and Suicide, Self-Respect and Significance, Soldiers and Marines who sustained traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injury, stroke, tbi adults, tbi children, tbi families, tbi veterans, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, Traumatic Brain Injury and Comfort, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, traumatic brain injury feeling alienated isolated, traumatic brain Injury in adults, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Research and Resources, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, Veterans Living with Brain Injuries. Tagged: Breaking free from Isolation, Debilitaing Guilt, Debilitating Shame, Emotional Healing, finding hope, Healing from Damaged Emotions, toxic shame based codependency. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.