Second Chance to Live

Sharing Hope in the Face of Adversity — One Piece at a Time

Have You Ever Asked, “What is Keeping Me Stuck?” Part 2

Posted by Second Chance to Live on October 18, 2012

If you have not read Part 1 of this article, I would encourage you to do so as Part 1 builds upon Part 2. To do so please click on here: Part 1. Thank you.

In my experience, I have found that answers to the question, “What is Keeping Me Stuck?” came from my willingness to be honest — with myself. Through my recovery process, I discovered why I felt comfortable in the role that I sought to justify on a daily basis. Over time, I was able to identify behaviors that shackled me to that role. Consequently, I slowly stopped saying, “I am sorry” for everything under the sun. I was slowly able to stop taking responsibility for other people’s irritability, restlessness and discontent. I was slowly able to stop assuming the position of a “door mat”. I was slowly able to stop focusing on other people’s side of the street and start focusing on keeping my side of the street clean. I was slowly able to stop identifying with my assumed role.

Through my awareness, I was slowly able break free from the denial that kept me tied to that role. Through my awareness, I was slowly able to realize that the drama surrounding the denial hindered my ability and capacity to live life on life’s terms. Through my awareness, I was slowly able to break from from the responsibility that other people wanted me to assume — that was none of my business. Through my awareness, I was slowly able to begin being responsible to, but not for other people. Through my awareness, I was able to slowly change the way that I understood Who and how a loving God operates. Through my awareness, I was slowly able to view my circumstances and experiences in a new way, a way that is designed to build me up, not to keep me down.

Note: Family System Roles

From what I understand, Virginia Satir was the first individual who spoke about family system roles. Claudia Black and Sharon Wegscheider Cruse went on to adapt the roles to fit the addictive family. Here is a link to a pdf file that gives and overview of the five family roles as described by Claudia Black Ph.D Family Roles. In addition to these roles, there can be other roles that members in a family assume to contain pain, conflict, family secrets, denial and drama.

The roles assumed and maintained by individuals to cope with in the family systems will continue to impact relationships in adult life unless the impact of those roles are addressed. In my experience, I found that the role that I assumed as a child followed and continued to impact all of my relationships – personally, vocationally and socially — until I addressed the denial and drama that kept me stuck in a role that previously defined my life.

In the event that you find that you are stuck on one of these 5  or other family system roles, I would encourage you to find ways to break free from identifying yourself with the role. In the event that you would like to know how I broke free from the role that I assumed and identified for many years, please let me know my friend. I will share my experience, strength and hope with you. I have found that there is tremendous power in identification my friend.

If you have any questions or would like to make a comment please use my Contact Information

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All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

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