Being True to Myself in Decision Making

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. I am always happy to have you around my table. Approximately 6 or 7 days ago I was presented with an opportunity to speak at a conference. After speaking with my conference contact, I became concerned about the uncertainty of the flight times, multiple time zone changes, layover times and destination arrival times.

With my concerns of the flight times, multiple time zone changes, layover times and destination arrival times, I sought counsel from various individuals. In the process of seeking out different peoples perspectives I found that a few of these individuals minimized and marginalized my concerns. Nevertheless, I made the decision to ask for what I needed from the conference committee. When I shared my decision, I received criticism for my decision.

When I shared my decision, I received criticism for my decision from a few individuals whom I sought to receive counsel in making my decision.

When I received the criticism from these individuals, I experienced feelings of shame. Shame for making the wrong decision, although my the decision to ask to be brought a day earlier was not unreasonable, given the uncertainty of the flight times, multiple time zone changes, layover times and destination arrival times. With their criticism I found myself caught like a deer in the headlights because I internalized their criticism of my decision.

I internalized their criticism of my decision because I traded my awareness of my reality and my subsequent needs with their judgment of my reality and my needs. In the process, I found myself judging my reality and my decision to ask for what I need. I judged my reality – as a traumatic brain injury survivor –  because I bought into the messages necessary to maintain the denial, that their perspective of my reality is right and mine is wrong.

Lessons That I Learned through my Experience

What I learned through my above experience reinforced that I need to stay true to myself in my reality. What I learned through my experience, reinforced that if other peoples’ attitudes and perspectives’ suggest that I buy back into the denial of my reality, I need to see such attitudes and perspectives as red flags. What I learned through my experience reinforced that I need to recognize that I am the only one who can take care of myself.

What I learned through my experience reinforced that I need to not ask the opinions of people who have shown that they do not accept my reality and my subsequent needs. What I learned through my experience reinforced that I need to be kind, be brief and shift the subject if my decision comes up in future conversations. What I learned reinforced that in the future I need to not engage these individual in the process of making decisions.

With everything there is a learning curve.

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