Traumatic Brain Injury — What Empowers Me to Go and Make it a Good Day — On the Road to Healing Part 1 Revisited
Posted by Second Chance to Live on March 6, 2013
Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. In April of 2009 I wrote a series in which I share some important awareness’s. These awareness’s helped me to understand my identity and in the process grow in peace with myself. These awareness’s gave me the ability to love and accept myself when other people could not accept me. These awareness’s gave me the motivation to get into action and look for solutions. These awareness’s empower me to go and have a good day.
My encouragement to you would be to take your time and read through each Part of the entire series.
Today, I will present the first part of this series, Traumatic Brain Injury — What Empowers Me to Go and Make it a Good Day — On the Road to Healing.
As part of this 10 part series I will include many details to illustrate my experience, NOT to a fix blame or point the finger in anyone’s direction.
I will focus on providing practical solutions that have empowered my process and given me hope.
May you find a new freedom and a new happiness as you read through this series.
Through my process I discovered that I desperately needed to address my shame, anger, negativity, criticism and judgmental attitudes.
Once I realized that I needed to address my shame, anger, negativity, criticism and judgmental attitudes I found myself back in a familiar anxiety. Upon further examination I found that my anxiety stemmed from my fear of physical and emotional abandonment. As I examined why I had the fear of emotional and physical abandonment, I discovered that — like Pavlov’s dogs — I had unknowingly been conditioned to believe that I was responsible for how people felt and whether they were OK with me.
Sadly, I was also conditioned to believe that if I did not measure up to their expectations then these individuals would go away — and I would be left with myself.
What amplified my fear was the belief that the ONLY way that I could be OK with me and have a sense of security was to measure up to the expectations that were set for me. What made matters worse was that the bar of these expectations seemed to constantly move — depending upon who I as interacting with at the time and what mood they were experiencing. Because I based my sense of emotional, spiritual and physical well-being on my ability to meet these ever-changing spectrum of expectations I experienced a pervasive sense of insecurity.
In the process I bought into the notion that I was also responsible for the emotional and spiritual well-being of individuals as they interacted with me. Consequently, not only did I feel responsible for the expectations that God and other people had for me, but I also bought into the notion that I was responsible for their emotional reaction (s) to me. In my insecurity, I spent much of my time saying I was sorry for making them feel…
What complicated matters for me was that because of the injury to my brain — which I did not know at the time — I had a difficult time adjusting to the unpredictable nature of unspecified expectations with the emotional fall out that ensued when I was unable to meet those demands. I then discovered that although the bar of expectations kept moving I was still led to believe that it was my responsibility to be able to anticipate and then accurately respond to the expectation — whether direct or implied.
Consequently, I remained in a state of hyper vigilance. In my hyper vigilance I remained in a state of pervasive anxiety as I attempted to control the uncontrollable. Through further examination I discovered that I was motivated by an ever present fear of emotional, spiritual and at times physical abandonment.
Through my ongoing awareness, I then discovered that the fear and anxiety that I experienced concerning abandonment confused all of my relationships. Instead of learning to cultivate my relationship — with God, myself and other people — I was on a crusade to make people OK with me — so that they would not leave me. I did so because I was convinced that if I made God and other people OK with me, then they would in turn make me OK with me.
In my awareness the obvious became apparent. I had no idea how to have a relationship with God, myself or other people.
To read Part 2 of the series, please click on the following link. Part 2.
In the event that you would like to be in touch with me, please use my Contact Page. I look forward to hearing from you. All questions are good questions.
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This entry was posted on March 6, 2013 at 2:05 pm and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, ABI: Acquired Brain Injury, abuse and neglect, acquired brain injury and feeling alienated, Acquired Brain Injury and Suicide, Adult Children of Alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics and traumatic brain injuries, Adult Children of Alcoholics living with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, Awareness Acceptance Action, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, celebrities with brain injuries, characteristics of traumatic brain injury, Codependency, combating brain injury isolation, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, Empowerment Speaker, Families impacted by brain injuries, fear of failure, Finding Freedom From Perfectionism, Finding practical hope as a tbi survivor, finding your bliss, Finding Your Significance, Fulfilling your Destiny, Harnish Your Adveristy, How to Make Peace with God, Invisible Disability, learning disabilities, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, life challenging experiences, living my destiny, living with a brain injury, Living with a Disability, Living with a disability and overcoming being bullied, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope and inspiration, Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivaional Speaker, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming a Fear of Failure, Overcoming being Bullied, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide, Revealing your Destiny, Romance and Relationships, Self-Respect and Significance, Soldiers and Marines who sustained traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injury, spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection, stroke, tbi adults, tbi children, tbi families, tbi veterans, Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury and Anger, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Hope, Traumatic Brain Injury and Learning, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, traumatic brain injury feeling alienated isolated, traumatic brain Injury in adults, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Research and Resources, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans Living with Brain Injuries. Tagged: emotional abandonment, Having a relationship with a loving God, Having a Relationship with Yourself, Learning to love and accept yourself, Pavlov's dogs, Peace with God, Peace withYourself, Pervasive Anxiety, State of Hypervigilance, Toxic Shame Codependency. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.