Critical, Judgmental and Antagonistic — What to Do?
Posted by Second Chance to Live on August 13, 2013
Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Thank you. I have been thinking about some thing that I would like to share with you. During some journaling today some “dots” of my thinking connected. I have been aggravated about several things for quite a while. Recently, I had an awareness that because I am powerless over these things I need to stop being critical of them. But then I realized I needed to look a little closer.
This week I started to revisit a concept that I have learned from Dr.’s Margaret and Jordan Paul. The concept of Inner Bonding. In Dr. Margaret Paul’s book, Inner Bonding she talks about the concept of the intent to protect and the intent to learn. One of the principles – from what I understand – of inner bonding is when I am in a state of judgment or criticism I abandon myself. Instead of having the motivation to learn, I seek to protect myself. Instead of growing from the circumstances, I am stymied by them.
Instead of learning from what I am experiencing, I seek to defend a part of myself that I am judging and criticizing. Instead of learning from my discomfort, I can find myself feeling shame and feeling isolated.
What I learned from my journaling this morning is that when I am in a critical state – being critical of myself or other people – I am unconsciously choosing to be antagonistic. I am antagonistic toward both myself and the individual (s) or situation (s) that aggravate me. One definition of antagonism is acting in opposition; opposing, especially mutually; unfriendly. Through journaling about my aggravation, I became aware of the antagonism that I was showing to myself and toward the source of my aggravation.
When I act in opposition or in an opposing way, I am unable to show compassion toward myself or toward other people. When I act in opposition or in an opposing way, I treat both myself and other people with contempt. On the other hand, when I act with compassion, I am empowered to learn from my circumstances – to be able to take advantage of opportunities. In the process, when I act in compassion I empower other people to learn from their circumstances – to be able to take advantage of opportunities.
What this awareness speaks to me is that when I am in a place where I am being critical or judgmental of myself or other people, I need to stop myself. I need to find out why I am being critical or judgmental. I need to examine why I find myself being antagonistic. By identifying why I have been antagonistic, I am able to learn from my aggravation. By learning from my aggravation, I am able to curb my antagonism. By curbing my antagonism, I am able to move from a place of contempt, to a place of compassion.
By moving to a place of compassion, I am able to stop “fighting” against myself and other people.
As you read this article and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me. All questions are good question. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you. You may send a question or leave a comment by clicking on this link: Contact Page.
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This entry was posted on August 13, 2013 at 2:51 pm and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, acquired brain injury and feeling alienated, Adult Children of Alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics and traumatic brain injuries, Adult Children of Alcoholics living with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, Awareness Acceptance Action, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, celebrities with brain injuries, combating brain injury isolation, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, Families impacted by brain injuries, fear of failure, Finding Freedom From Perfectionism, Finding practical hope as a tbi survivor, finding your bliss, Finding Your Significance, Fulfilling your Destiny, Harnish Your Adveristy, How to Make Peace with God, learning disabilities, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, life challenging experiences, living life on life's terms, living my destiny, living with a brain injury, Living with a Disability, Living with a disability and overcoming being bullied, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivaional Speaker, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, No Longer a Victim, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming a Fear of Failure, Overcoming being Bullied, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children living with a brain injury, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide, Revealing your Destiny, Self-Respect and Significance, spinal cord injury, stroke, tbi adults, tbi children, tbi families, Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury and Anger, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, Traumatic Brain Injury and Comfort, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Hope, Traumatic Brain Injury and Learning, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, traumatic brain injury feeling alienated isolated, traumatic brain Injury in adults, traumatic brain injury in schools, Traumatic Brain Injury Motivational Speaker, Traumatic Brain Injury Research and Resources, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans Living with Brain Injuries, What is my Destiny?, Workshop Leader. Tagged: Dr. Margaret Paul, Freedom from Antagonism, From Contempt to Compassion, Inner Bonding, Stop Fighting against Yourself. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.