Living with an Invisible Disability and Crazy Making
Posted by Second Chance to Live on January 10, 2014
Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. In August of 2007 I wrote an article. Today I felt led to share the article in an email that I sent to a friend. I would like to share the contents with you. In the event that you are living with a traumatic or acquired brain injury, or some other type of invisible disability I believe you will be able to identify with me. May you be encouraged.
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Double Bind
Posted by Second Chance to Live on August 28, 2007
Hi, and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. I am a bit flustered today with what has been going on in my world. I am doing the best I know how to do with my set of circumstances. I make decisions that are based upon previous experience and I seek to live a life of personal responsibility and accountability. Nevertheless, over the past week I found myself being placed between a rock and a hard space. If I agreed I would be jeered along the way and if I disagreed I would be shunned. I found myself in an all too familiar double bind.
The double bind becomes apparent when I interact with individuals in group 2 and group 3 as explained in My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability –Part 1. Although I attempt to educate people with in those groups as to the nature of my disability, for some reason they can not or will not accept that I have legitimate deficits and limitations. Nevertheless, in many instances when I interact with people within groups 2 and 3 they still want me to function as a person without deficits and limitations. What makes matters more difficult for me is that when I interact with individuals in groups 2 and 3 I am held responsible for not being able to live up to their expectations. Often times I am blamed, shamed or put in the position of being a scapegoat for matters that are out of my control and thus the double bind.
Based on my awareness and acceptance I attempted to negotiate a win-win outcome. In the process of attempting to negotiate an amicable course of action the other person became incensed with me. My attempts to negotiate a win-win outcome were discarded as unacceptable. After I stated how a win-win outcome could be obtained, our conversation became heated. In the process of attempting to prove my point I got caught up in justifying, answering and defending my position. Angry words were exchanged before the conversation ended. Several hours later I contacted that individual and apologized for my part of the verbal exchange.
Several nights later I attempted to process what I experienced during my negotiation process while attending a support group meeting. After the meeting ended, while talking with a friend he pointed out that I was focusing on the other person’s behavior. At first I found myself experiencing shame over wanting to be heard. Reality became apparent as I thought about what my friend had told me. In my attempt to be heard I lost my focus. I forgot to remember that the person with whom I attempted to negotiate continues to believe that I am making excuses and using my traumatic brain injury as a tool of convenience. In essence, I am being given the message that I should not be limited by the injury to my brain.
Through the course of attempting to negotiate the win-win outcome I re-learned several valuable lessons. I am powerless over people’s perceptions. I do not have the power to change anyone’s perspectives. What other people say or think about me does not make it so. I am not responsible for fixing another person so that we can have a better relationship. I can not help open eyes that chose to remain closed. I need to accept people for who they are, rather than who I want them to be.
Because I have the power to make healthy choices, I am able to avoid being placed in a double bind. I no longer need to stay stuck in shame and guilt for not being able to measure up to the expectations of people within groups 2 and 3. I am an empowered individual because I choose to practice live and let live. I am responsible to people, but not for them or their choices. In the event that people, like the individual that I discussed above, choose to deny my reality then I need to practice healthy self care and limit the amount of time that I subject myself to their criticism. In my choice I do not judge people in groups 2 and 3 as bad or wrong, I merely recognize that I am unable to create a win-win outcome through our interactions.
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This entry was posted on January 10, 2014 at 4:54 pm and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, ABI: Acquired Brain Injury, acquired brain injury and feeling alienated, Acquired Brain Injury and Suicide, Adult Children of Alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics and traumatic brain injuries, Adult Children of Alcoholics living with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, Awareness Acceptance Action, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, celebrities with brain injuries, combating brain injury isolation, empowerment, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, Empowerment Speaker, Families impacted by brain injuries, fear of failure, Finding Freedom From Perfectionism, Finding practical hope as a tbi survivor, finding your bliss, Finding Your Significance, Fulfilling your Destiny, goal setting, Harnish Your Adveristy, How to Make Peace with God, How to make peace with yourself, Improving Self-Esteem, Improving Self-Worth, learning disabilities, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, life challenging experiences, living life on life's terms, living my destiny, living with a brain injury, Living with a Disability, Living with a disability and overcoming being bullied, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, military families affected by traumatic brain injuries, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivaional Speaker, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, No Longer a Victim, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming a Fear of Failure, Overcoming Adversity, Overcoming being Bullied, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children living with a brain injury, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide, Post Traumatic Syndrome and Suicide, relationships, Revealing your Destiny, Self-Respect and Significance, Soldiers and Marines who sustained traumatic brain injuries, The Grieving Process, Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury and Anger, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, Traumatic Brain Injury and Comfort, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Hope, Traumatic Brain Injury and Learning, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, traumatic brain injury feeling alienated isolated, traumatic brain Injury in adults, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Motivational Speaker, Traumatic Brain Injury Research and Resources, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans Living with Brain Injuries, What is my Destiny?, Workshop Leader. Tagged: Accepting what I can not Change, powerless to change anyone, Self-Acceptance as a person with an Invisible Disability. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.