Please read Part 1 and don’t give up on yourself or your process. Thank you.

So if you are going through a difficult time, a time of confusion with feelings of helplessness, please do not give up on yourself, on your process and or on a loving God. Please do not allow your present circumstances to mislead you into a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Please do not give up on people like me — who are apart of your world. Your presence and the essence you bring to this life is of great value. Your creative uniqueness is set to enhance the lives of people in your world for future generations. The gifts that reside within your being are yet to be made manifest. Those gifts will in turn be used as a key to open a door of freedom for people who will be sitting in darkness.

Your present-day despair and despondency will be turned into triumph. You will find solutions that will empower you to live the life that you have imagined. You will find solutions to matters that once baffled you. You will be set free from the fear of economic insecurity and you will be a light to your generation. Fear not, for you will be led into a land of plenty and you will reap a harvest of satisfaction.

More will be revealed to you my friend. You will find your groove and you will prosper in your body, soul and spirit. You will walk in your destiny and you will fulfill your dreams. You will learn to overcome and succeed despite any present discouragement, despondency or despair. You will use your traumatic brain injury and your circumstances to empower your process and you will in turn be a blessing to those in your world. Be assured my friend, what you may be going through at the present time fails in comparison to what is yet to be revealed because you made the decision to not give up on yourself, on your process or on a loving God.

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Please read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 for context. Thank you.

Family system roles — assigned and designed to contain unresolved conflict and family secrets — add stress and anxiety to family interactions. This stress seems to be exacerbated during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. What may have remained dormant for much of the year now emerges to trigger memories of abusive behavior. To compound or add to the stress of interacting with families is the excessive use of alcohol and /or other mind altering substances.

Abuse of alcohol and other mind altering substances exacerbate the stress and anxiety of family interactions.

What may have been denied as a concern — a family member’s drinking and drugging — comes center stage as family members interact. What was meant to be a joyous time — during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years — instead becomes a chaotic, crazy-making and walking on eggs shells experience. As the family system roles interact — as family members interact — blame and shame are passed around like a “hot potato” because no one in the family knows how to talk, trust or feel.

Because of the three unspoken family rules — Don’t talk, Don’t trust and Don’t feel – family members are led to believe they have no other choice but to endure family interactions during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Because of the three unspoken family rules family member are left feeling isolated, alienated and confused. Because of the three unspoken family rules hope for family intimacy — during the holiday season — is thrashed on the rocks or denial, disappointment and disillusionment.

Because of the three unspoken family rules trust is thrust again and again on the rocks of denial, disappointment and disillusionment. Because of the three unspoken rules resentment and control drive family interactions. Because of the three unspoken family system rules family members do not know how to talk, trust or feel. For further explanation please read Traumatic Brain Injury and Vines.

The good news is that families do not have to suffer in silence. Although alcoholism and drug addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful family members can reach out for help. Isolation, alienation and confusion can be traded for hope. Each member of the family can attend Alanon and Alateen support group meetings. Alanon and Alateen meeting are for individuals who have been affected by another persons drinking or drugging — in a relative or friend. For support please read Traumatic Brain Injury and Support

The good news is that you no longer have to be alone to suffer in silence. The good news is that you can choose to reach out beyond your own best thinking. The good news is that you can reach out for help and people will reach out to you.

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Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Today is Thanksgiving and I wanted to thank you for being a part of my journey. I am honored by your presence. Thank you for being who you are my friend.

My Mom recently sent me an email that has been a tremendous blessing to me. In the email, I was encouraged to watch a short inspirational movie. I am so glad that I took the time to watch the movie. Consequently, I would encourage you to take a few minutes to watch this short movie — because you make a difference in my life.

After you have watched the movie — as I was encouraged — I encourage you to share the movie with the people who make a difference in your life.

The movie was created by Mary Robinson Reynolds and her husband Craig. Thank you Mary and Craig. You both make a difference in my life.

The link to their movie is here.

Never underestimate the power of kindness.

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All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

Please read Part 1, Part 2 for context. Thank you.

The impact of increased stress and sensory overload may result in increased fatigue, impulsivity and misunderstood behavior. Ongoing stress and sensory overloads adversely impact the brain injury survivor’s immune system — thus making the brain injury survivor more susceptible to infection and becoming sick. I can attest to this reality. Consequently, the brain injury survivor needs to pay special attention when they experience ongoing anxiety and stress during the holiday season.

With the awareness the brain injury survivor can take steps to practice health self-care to reduce their stress and anxiety. Please read my 3 part article Traumatic Brain Injury, Fatigue, Anxiety, Anguish and Depression for healthy self-caring suggestions.

As hustle and bustle the holiday season contribute to stress and anxiety, expectations contribute to stress and anxiety. These expectations can be linked to repressed disappointments and resentments from past Thanksgiving’s, Christmas’s and New Years’s get together’s with family. With increased anxiety and stress abusive behavior may be exhibited by family members. These behaviors can be the result of familiar family system roles.

These roles are frequently re-activated as the nuclear and extended family members interact with one another during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.

Such roles that can be exhibited by family members are the — Hero, Lost child, Mascot, Scapegoat, Identified Patient. These roles may have been given to family members   to contain unresolved family pain and to mask family secrets. For a further explanation, please read my articles –  Traumatic Brain Injury, Family System Roles and Learning to Thrive and Traumatic Brain Injury and the Identified Patient.

These roles are enforced — some times overtly and other times covertly — by the three rules. These three rules are frequently manifested with in dysfunctional family systems.   For further explanation please read my articles Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel, The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences and Displaced Sadness.

Please read Part 4 for context. Thank you.

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Please read Part 1 and Part 2 for context. Thank you.

Through owning and respecting my boundaries, I have come to value where I end and where other people begin. When I maintain healthy boundaries, I am able to keep the focus on what is my business and what is not my business. When I mind my own business the stress associated with trying to change others and/or be manipulated by them is reduced.

Boundaries are meant to keep me in, not to shut other people out of my life. Through maintaining healthy boundaries, I am able to keep the focus on me, while respecting other people and their choices.

Boundaries help me to define what is my responsibility when interacting with other people. Being accountable to others is essential to maintaining healthy relationships. Nevertheless, I need to accept that I am not responsible for other people or for their choices. I am responsible to other people, but not for their choices.

Boundaries have helped me to know where I end and other people begin and where other people begin and where I end.

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Please read Part 1 and Part 3 for context. Thank you.

Such behaviors undermine the individual’s ability to experience their destiny.

These limiting behaviors manifest when personal responsibility is discarded as trivial, while seeking to hold other people accountable for choice, happiness and discontentment. When personal responsibility and accountability is dismissed as trivial, trust is repeatedly thrashed upon the rocks of disillusionment and disappointment.

Hope is also squashed beneath disdain and denial. Resentments become the anesthetic that justifies and defends irrational behavior. Drama and crisis becomes the focus, while a virtual strangle hold is placed upon personal empowerment and creative expression. In the process the individual slowly drowns beneath the under tow of contempt and bitterness.

Consequently, disregard becomes the standard operating procedure in the attempt to force solutions. Expectations dictate the quality of the relationship. Self-serving and self-absorption became the drivers. Power struggles ensue and become the vehicle to assert ones will.

Through my recovery process. I have also come to understand that I am a separate and unique individual. Although this statement may seem naïve, when I do not own and respect my need to have and maintain boundaries, I lose me. I slowly acquiesce to being controlled and manipulated by strong-willed individuals.

Please read Part 1 and Part 3 for context. Thank you.

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Be sure to read  Part 1 , Part 3, Part 4 for context. Thank you.

In my experience I have found that as I am honest, family and friends are more accepting of me. These individuals love and embrace me for who I am as an individual who experienced a brain injury. I have also found that some family members and friends are unable to accept me because of what they find hard to understand. I have had family members tell me my problems are in your head. Well Duh. Head Injury / Brain Injury.

I have found that these individuals many times minimize and marginalize my invisible disability because for them to accept my reality is simply too painful.

With individuals that have a difficult time accepting me — because of my invisible disability — I have come to accept that I need to practice live and let live with those individuals. By practicing live and let live I am able to accept my reality with out berating my worth and value. With my awareness I have come to realize that I need practice detachment with love. For further insight please read my article, Who Am I? Detachment is not about keeping people out of my life, it is about keeping me in my life.

Through being who I am while allowing other people to be who they are I can create a win / win outcome. I can also choose to limit the amount of time that I spend with individuals who have a difficult time accepting me — for whatever reason. I need to remember that a persons lack of acceptance is not about me. It is about their lack of acceptance. With this awareness, I can let people believe what they want to believe without owning their lack of acceptance.

Please read Part 3 for context. Thank you.

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Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. A few days ago I received a request to write an article addressing stress related to the holiday season. In the following article I will address several of the factors that I believe impact the lives of brain injury survivors during the holiday season.

In 2 weeks Thanksgiving will be upon us, then 3 weeks later Christmas and a week later New Years Eve and New Years Day. For many families these 5-6 weeks — with the anticipation and preparation for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years — can be laden with anxiety and stress.

For many traumatic brain injury survivors the filters with in their brains — that monitor impulsive behavior and mood changes — are damaged at the time of their brain injuries. With increased stress and sensory overload — during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years — the brain injury survivor filters are taxed. Consequently, the brain injury survivor is more susceptible to impulsive behavior and unexplained mood swings. Consequently, the brain injury survivor may feel shunned and shamed around family and friends because of the invisible nature of their disability.

My suggestion here would be to love and accept yourself and be your own advocate. Rather than feeling shame and shunned — because of your deficits and limitations — be honest and share your struggles with family members and friends.

Please read Part 2 for context. Thank you.

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Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Over the past several days I have been thinking about life in general. With my reflection I thought about a reality.

It is not so much what has happened to me that matters, but what matters most is how I chose to use what has happened to me.

Several years ago I felt led to write an article Painting your Portrait {AKA} This is Not a Dress Rehearsal. With my awareness I realized that I needed to play a proactive role in my life — regardless of what has or had happened to me. I needed to be present. I needed to stay in the game. The Measure of a Champion.

It is not how swift that I run the race — that determines my status as a champion — but that I determine to stay in the race.

On December 8, 2008 a good friend of mine passed away — unexpectedly. He was 3 years older than I was at the time. I wrote an article to honor him, The Passing of My Friend. I was in shock when I heard the news, because he and I had a great conversation Friday evening. Dave passed away 2 1/2 days later on Monday morning.

After hearing about my friend Dave’s passing the reality of my finitude became more real. One day — unbeknown to me — some one will sharing with other people who I have passed away. Dave’s passing in essence motivated me. Dave’s passing made me more “awake”. Dave’s passing encouraged me to run my race.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me”.
Erma Bombeck

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Please read Part 1 and Part 2 for context. Thank you.

I discovered that I could stop persecuting myself because of my susceptibility to becoming fatigued I discovered that I could take steps to address my anxiety and anguish. I discovered that I could embrace the reality that I am susceptible to becoming fatigued — by practicing healthy self-care. I discovered that I could take positive steps to address my anxiety and my anguish. I discovered that I could take the time to address my fatigue. I discovered that I could take care of first things first.

I discovered that I could incorporate empowering strategies to help me when I become fatigued. Among the strategies that I found that I could use when I become mentally, emotionally, spiritually and spiritually fatigued is the principle of H.A.L.T.S..

Through my process I discovered that specific factors contributed to and exacerbated my susceptibility to becoming fatigued. I discovered that when I am hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick I tend to be more susceptible to becoming fatigued. In my awareness, I discovered that when I am hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick I needed to take the time to address of those needs. In my experience I have that once I take care of my hunger, anger, lonely, tired or sick needs that my fatigue subsides.

By taking the time to address my hungry, angry, lonely, tired and if I am sick needs I have been able to embrace, accept and address my fatigue. In the process I am able to alleviate my anxiety, anguish and depression. In the process my fatigue subsides and I gain a fresh perspective. With my renewed perspective I am able to embrace myself as a traumatic brain survivor who experiences fatigue. In the process I am able to stop fighting against myself.

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