Second Chance to Live Group
Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me.Through my process and in my experience I have discovered an undeniable truth. There is tremendous power in identification. Several years ago I wrote an article to share what I have learned about The Power of Identification. Because I have experienced tremendous comfort, courage and hope — through the power of identification – I share very personal information in the articles that I write and the video presentations that I create for Second Chance to Live.
Brain injury is described as the silent epidemic. People who sustain brain injuries are frequently caught in a conundrum. The conundrum that tells them that they look “normal” and the reality that their lives have been forever changed. Brain injury consequently leaves the individual questioning themselves and frequently challenged by family, friends and society. The conundrum leaves brain injury survivors feeling alone, isolated and alienated from themselves, their families and from other people in society who simply do not “get it”. Such feelings can leave brain injury survivors in the trap of comparing themselves with / to people who are not living with brain injuries.
Several days ago, I made the decision to create a group on Face book to provide a safe place, where brain injury survivors, families impacted by brain injuries and the care givers who seek to serve brain injury survivors could learn to identify with one another. A place in which there would be no blaming, shaming, gossiping, criticizing, belittling or the challenging of one another. A safe place where people could meet to find encouragement, motivation, empowerment and hope as they are learning to live with the affects and the impact of a brain injury.
The name of the group is Second Chance to Live Group and can be visited by clicking on the following link Second Chance to Live Group. In the event that you would like to be a member of the Group — as we seek to provide a safe place for the members — please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.
Identification as opposed to Comparison
Identification empowers, where as comparison minimizes contribution. Comparison asserts stipulation to inclusion. Comparison mandates that certain criteria be met. Comparison predicates acceptance. Comparison demands compliance. Comparison postulates performance. Comparison shuns that which is different. Identification encourages progress while comparison specifies and expects outcomes. Identification celebrates small successes, whereas comparison, by its nature seeks to invalidate. Identification encourages individuality and motivates self-expression. Identification cultivates creativity.
Individuality is not considered a threat. Status quo is dismissed. Identification empowers and motivates. Identification musters enthusiasm in the face of any discouragement. Identification breaks down the walls of isolation. Alienation is dismissed. Eccentricity is held in esteem. Self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth no longer need to be qualified. Value and ability is accepted at face value. Identification seeks to reconcile. Identification promotes humility.
As I seek to identify with others I practice love and tolerance. Identification frees my humanity to explore apart from comparison’s dictates. Identification encourages individual expression. Identification encourages hope, where as comparison predicates performance. Identification encourages process. Identification promotes self-confidence. Progress is accepted as a function of seeking to accept both others and one self. As I love and accept myself, I am free to create with my being.
My being and worth is not tied to a specific “toy” or outcome. I no longer need to keep up with the Jones. I no longer need to chase after external validation. Identifying with others dispels my need to judge. Identification gives me permission to take risks and to scrape my knees in the process. Identification promotes excellence, not perfection. Identification frees me to stay in the moment and to live life on life’s terms. Identification promotes unity.
I am interested to know what other contrasts you may have discovered. If you have any, please share them with me.
Patty Garrett Smith said
I am so excited to find Second Chance as I have been silently & shamefully suffering from 3 TBI’s in the past 6 years from 2 very horrid car wrecks and a bad injury to my head & neck. The shame comes from not being diagnosed or misdiagnosed until long after all the obvious physical injuries healed and increasingly losing more and more brain function and my own personal stubborn denial when first diagnosed 2 years after being hit head on in 12/05.I see now, the behavioral changes were blatantly obvious and my mental abilities definately impacted in the head on wreck in 12/05/ and they should not have missed the obvious and just medicate me into a quiet depression..The injuries in the impact in 12/08 that I sustained were significant to my neck, back, shoulders & down to both hands. I am sure that the violent thrusting about of my head in that wreck probably caused more scrambling of my brain. Once again, a year was focused on the spine/bone injuries & not one doc thought to check me for a TBI. I didn’t even realise how small my world had become since 12/05 and I fought hard and was always pushed by my “always indenial family” to suck it up and move on like I had always done before. I have not been able to and over time I traveled less, socialized much less, etc. After this last very forceful injury to my head & neck,,11/10. my world became microscpically small. I am only now beginning to see the right specialist to help me hopefully regain some of my short term memory, cognitive & executive thinking skills, etc after my local doctors & therapists diagnosed me not long after I saw them.Even still, I was hard to convince & pushed out of denial. I thought a TBI meant you had your skull bashed open and were forever in a coma or wheelchair. Was I ever wrong, and my family even more wrong! I had competely forgotten about the 07 diagnosis for a tearing/shearing TBI from the wreck in 05, and I was never looked at for a TBI when I was in another bad accident in 12/08. I think because I have had 5 really bad car wrecks, only the last that only damaged me & my car, when the ERoin docs see me show up all busted up and look at xrays of y spine they freak and focus solely on my spine. Understandable, but not acceptable. When badly injured last November, again, no one ever thought to check me for a TBI and focused on the broken bones, sprains and spinal injuries. It wasn’t until 8 months of therapy and me beginning to interact socially 3 months ago, that I my eyes were widely opened to how much brain function I have lost over the last year. As long I was at home, isolating or in a hospital, I didn’t have to use my brain too much! I was always treated for injuires to my body and they medicated my mind, Doctors, especially Er docs that first see you after a bad accident, do not get a good enough history from the patient or family to be able to know that this person has had multiple head traumas. The first 2 wrecks, occured when I was in my late teens, and showed up 2 years later with the first of many neck surgeries when 2 disc collapsed. I was also,diagnosed with a TBi by an endocronologist in my mid twenties after not being able to conceive a child. Turned out in the first 2 wreck,, I had damaged my pituitary gland and badly damaged 2 discs in my neck. Even after the diagnosis when I was younger, no treatment was provided or further investigation followed up on my brain injury. Thankfully I was still able to excell in college and my career after 3 of the 5 car wrecks.My life became smaller in 05, but I was able to cover up, or so I thought, the impact to my brain. and went deep into denial until this last injury seemde to magnify everything and all but completely shut me down. I am actually thankful because I am exhausted and .unwilling to try to hide my brain deficits any longer. I want my independent lifestyle back and I will make it happen! I am just recently willingly going on this journey to get me the best help for the TBI that has devistated me and my life for too long. I am a person of great faith & spirituality but I am anxious after learning how having repetitve undiagnosed & untreated TBI’s may not respond to treatment after so much time has passed from the 1st TBI to the 2cd & the n 3rd, and the one that “broke the camels back” over the past 6 years. Iwill bethankful to get back as much as possible and I am sure I can be taught good coping skills to get better, but I am nervous as to talk about possible onset of dimentia, and the severity and rapid decline of my mental status since the last injury last November. As you can tell, I am a rambler, and I can communicate best with a keyboard & delete button! I struggle to talk on the phone or face to face with strangers, especially. I look forward to checking into Second Chance for your messages and relative info. Thanks for starting this site! God Bless~Always, Patty
Second Chance to Live said
Hi Patty,
Thank you so very much for writing to me and for sharing what you have with me. I can identify with you and relate to you big time. Please take the time to read each part of my article My Journey thus Far. Here are the links to my article series Patty.
My Journey Thus Far
My Journey thus Far — Part 2
My Journey thus Far — Part 3
My Journey thus Far — Part 4
My Journey thus Far — Part 5
My Journey thus Far — Part 6
My Journey thus Far — Part 7
I can also identify with you on the invisible disability front and the denial of family. For many years I kept running into walls in employment setting and interpersonal relationships due to the damage to my right frontal lobe, severe brain bruise and with brain stem involvement when I was 10 years old, however no dots were ever connected. Once the physical wounds healed, no consideration was taken into account how the injuries to my brain impacted my world. I have written a series of articles that you may find to be helpful Patty. The information that I share in these articles have helped me to accept and stop fighting against myself Patty. These articles can be found with in my Site Map for my Articles.
Traumatic brain injury and Denial–My perspective as a TBI survivor
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability — Part 2
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability — Part 3
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability — Part 4
Having an Invisible Disability — The Consequence of Denying my Reality — Part 1
Having an Invisible Disability — The Consequence of Denying my Reality — Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Double Bind
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Square Peg
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Identified Patient — Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Identified Patient — Part 2
The Power Of Identification
Whose Shame are You Carrying?
Displaced Sadness
Making Peace with God — Part 1
Making Peace with God –Part 2
Making Peace with God–Part 3
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Elephant
Traumatic Brain Injury and Overcoming Denial — Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Part 1
Traumatic Brain injury, Denial and Limiting Scripts — Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Part 3
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Process of Grieving — Anger and Resentment — Part 4
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Awareness– Part 5
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Acceptance — Part 6
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Process of Grieving — Action — Part 7
Brain Injury, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Significance
Take your time reading these articles and as questions come to mind, please do not hesitate to ask. All questions are good questions Patty.
I also have a you tube channel, where you can watch my video presentations. Here is the link to my 2dogbull Channel on You Tube. Second Chance to Live 2dogbull
I will say so long for now. If you have an difficulty opening the links to the articles, please let me know. Thank you Patty. Thank you again for writing to me and for sharing what you have with me.
God bless both you and your family Patty.
Craig