Second Chance to Live

Sharing Hope in the Face of Adversity — One Piece at a Time

Posts Tagged ‘finding peace’

Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Impact Part 2

Posted by Second Chance to Live on June 13, 2014

If you have not already read Part 1 of this article, please do so at this time by clicking on this link: Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Part 1

In my experience, I have found that pointing fingers in anyone’s direction is of little value. Pointing fingers in other people’s directions only keeps me feeling helpless and hopeless. Through my recovery process, I have heard and believe to be true, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” I am powerless over what happened to me, but I am not powerless over what I do about what happened to me. For this I am responsible. In my experience, I have become aware. Through becoming aware, I have grown in acceptance and in my acceptance I have come to realize that I have choices.

These choices empower me to experience my life. In my experience, when I became aware, I realized that I could do some thing different.

For many years, I was conditioned to buy into a core belief. After this core belief was established, a trigger was set to be tripped to get a desired response. The core belief was that I am responsible for other people’s feelings, needs and wants. In the belief system, I was conditioned to believe that I was also responsible for other people’s irritability, restlessness and discontentment. Consequently, if the people in my life were irritable, restless and discontent — for whatever reason — I was at fault. This conditioning led me to believe that if people were angry or upset with me, I needed to” fix” them.

When I did not meet the expectation(s) of people, I was criticized and blamed for not meeting their expectations. When I experienced criticism and blame,  the previously set trigger — shame — was tripped. The trigger produced anxiety in me, which instigated my drive to comply in order avoid being further criticized, blamed and shamed for not meeting expectations. With such repeated experiences of being criticized, blamed and shamed for not getting it “right”, I strove  all the more in an attempt to be perfect. In my striving to be perfect, I found myself being enslaved by doing to justify my existence.

In my over developed sense of responsibility, I strove to be perfect so that people would not be angry and upset with me.

Doing became more important than being, as I sought to do more, to be more, to be enough. To do more, to be more in my attempt to be enough, I engaged in a dance that perpetuated being manipulated. I did this dance with virtually everyone in my life. The dance went like this: If the people in my life were not “OK”, I was at fault. In my hyper vigilance to arrest feeling like a mistake, I felt driven to “make” them “OK”. To “fix” their irritability, restlessness and discontent, so they would not go away.  To keep them from going away, so that I  would not lose myself.

I engaged in this dance, because I was led to believe that what other people thought about me was more important than what I thought about myself. I engaged in this dance, because I did not know where other people ended and where I began, as I lived my life. I engaged in this dance because, I did not know how to be “OK” with myself. I engaged in this dance, because I did not know how to have a relationship with myself.

Please read the conclusion in Part 3 of this article by clicking on this link: Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Impact Part 3

As you listen to, watch or read my articles and questions come to mind, please send those questions to mind. All questions are good questions. In the event that you would like to leave a comment,  I would love to hear from you.To do so, please use the below contact form. I will respond to your comments and questions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Craig

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Subscribe to Second Chance to Live, Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader

Subscribe in a reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

Posted in 12 Step Recovery, ABI: Acquired Brain Injury, abuse and neglect, abuse and trauma, acquired brain injury and feeling alienated, Acquired Brain Injury and Suicide, Adult Children of Alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics and traumatic brain injuries, Adult Children of Alcoholics living with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, Awareness Acceptance Action, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, celebrities with brain injuries, Codependency, combating brain injury isolation, Empowered by Adversity, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, Empowerment Speaker, Families impacted by brain injuries, Finding Freedom From Perfectionism, Finding practical hope as a tbi survivor, finding your bliss, Finding Your Significance, flash explosion leading to brain Injury, Frontal Lobe Recovery Resource, Fulfilling your Destiny, Handling and Being Empowered by Adversity, Harnish Your Adveristy, Healthy Self-Care, How to Make Peace with God, How to make peace with yourself, Improving Self-Esteem, Improving Self-Worth, Keynote Speaker, Learning, learning disabilities, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, life challenging experiences, Living an Abundant Life after Brain Injury, living life on life's terms, living my destiny, living with a brain injury, Living with a Disability, Living with a disability and overcoming being bullied, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Living with meaning and purpose after bran injury, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, military families affected by traumatic brain injuries, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivaional Speaker, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, No Longer a Victim, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming a Fear of Failure, Overcoming Adversity, Overcoming being Bullied, Overcoming Peer Pressure, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children living with a brain injury, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Personal empowerment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide, relationships, Resources for Addressing, Revealing your Destiny, Romance and Relationships, Self-Respect and Significance, Soldiers and Marines who sustained traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injury, spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection, Suicide and Hope, tbi adults, tbi children, tbi families, traumatic / acquired brain injury, Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury and Anger, Traumatic Brain and Comfort, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, Traumatic Brain Injury and Comfort, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Hope, Traumatic Brain Injury and Learning, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, traumatic brain injury feeling alienated isolated, traumatic brain Injury in adults, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Motivational Speaker, Traumatic Brain Injury Research and Resources, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans Living with Brain Injuries, What is my Destiny?, Workshop Leader | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 263 other followers