The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences
Posted by Second Chance to Live on May 24, 2007
Hi, and welcome back to my web log. I am glad you decided to stop by and rest. Last night I introduced three rules that need to be broken. Today I will briefly sum-mate those rules and then provide some of the consequences of maintaining those rules. The list is not comprehensive. You may also want to add to the list of consequences.
This rule is often burned into the subconscious of the individual through threat of reprisal. The individual has to live their life from the lie based on the denial inherent in the secret or conflict. The secret is more often than not connected to shame and guilt. The secret becomes more valuable that the individuals. Shame and guilt perpetuate the denial that debilitate the individual. Denial promotes dysfunction in an attempt to justify the secret or conflict. With in a family that promotes the Don’t Talk rule, each member assumes or is given a role to mask the secrets or conflicts.
This rule isolates the individual from the help that could be found to resolve the conflict. The individual also learns to trade their judgment for the judgment of other people. When the individual does not trust their judgment, they become vulnerable to unscrupulous individuals. The individual becomes conditioned to accepting abuse from and by the judgment of other people. As the abuse continues the individual internalize the reasons for the abuse as being their fault. The abuse confirms that they can not trust themselves or their judgment.
This rule alienates the individual from them selves. When the individual discards the part of themselves that connects them to their creativity, they slowly die from the inside out. Feelings are the mechanisms that connect our soul to our spirit, which in turn enables us to interpret our environment (Please read, A tool from my toolbox). When I feel, my brain connects with my heart, which makes me unique. In families where feelings are considered a threat, the individual learns to shut down emotionally. Feelings are often seen as a threat because they are connected to an unresolved conflict or secret. In many dysfunctional group settings feelings are also minimized and discouraged for this very reason.
Each of these rules minimizes the quality of life for the individual.
Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust, and Don’t Feel keep the individual from discovering their authentic creative self. If I am sworn to secrecy or told that I can not trust anyone, including myself
I will see no value in feeling my feelings.
I will become a reactor, rather than an actor in my life.
I will believe that life is merely a gauntlet of obstacles to overcome and struggles to survive.
I will become preoccupied with people pleasing and approval seeking and I will not think outside the box (Please read my post, Are You Living In a Box?)
I will be in a constant state of anxiety without knowing how to stop the madness.
I will buy into the notion that someone is to blame. Personal responsibility will be replaced with control and manipulation.
I will believe I am a victim of my circumstances and an heir to misery.
I will not look for solutions, but will be satisfied with being abused.
I will seek to justify my behavior because I am not at fault.
I will live my life in quiet desperation, because I have no hope.
I will see myself as a statistic, rather than as an empowered being.
I will believe that I am responsible for rather than to other people.
I will not develop faith in a power greater than my self, because no one can be trusted.
I will seek out drama to feel alive.
I will never be satisfied with life. Good will never be, good enough.
I will seek to be involved in relationships that perpetuate my despondency.
I will remain in denial and trade the truth for a lie.
I will seek to stymie anyone that makes me feel my feelings.
I will merely exist.
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This entry was posted on May 24, 2007 at 9:34 pm and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, abuse and neglect, abuse and trauma, acceptance, Acquired Brain Injury, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Awareness Acceptance Action, Being Healed, Bob Woodruff, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury, Brain Injury Associations, Caregivers, celebrities with brain injuries, cerebral vascular accident, characteristics of traumatic brain injury, Children of Trauma, Closed Head Injury, Codependency, deficits, Department of Defence, Department of Veteran Affairs, Desert Storm Veterans, Destiny, empowerment, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, Empowerment Speaker, family, fear of failure, Finding Freedom From Perfectionism, finding your bliss, flash explosion leading to brain Injury, Friends, Fulfilling your Destiny, goal setting, Gulf War Veterans, head injury, Healthy Self-Care, Identified Patient, Invisible Disability, Iraq veterans, Iraq War Veterans, Learning, learning disabilities, Life, life challenging experiences, Limitations, living life on life's terms, living my destiny, Living with a Disability, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Major Media Outlooks, Major News Networks, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, Motivaional Speaker, motivation, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, Natasha Richardson, No Longer a Victim, Ophra Winfrey, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Personal, Personal empowerment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Practical Faith, Prayer, Progress, PTSD, relationships, Religion, Revealing your Destiny, Romance and Relationships, self-esteem, self-improvement, Self-Respect, Serving humanity, shame, spinal cord injury, Spiritual Principles, stroke, Subdural Hematoma, The Grieving Process, toxic shame, traumatic / acquired brain injury, Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury and Anger, Traumatic Brain and Comfort, Traumatic Brain Injury, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans of the Iraq War, Vietnam Veterans, Virginia Tech Shootings, visual impairment. Tagged: alienates the individual from themselves, denial promotes dysfunction, Don't Talk, Don't Trust and Don't Feel, freedom from isolation, shutting down emotionally, unresolved conflict. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.