Traumatic Brain Injury — What Empowers Me to Go and Make it a good Day — On the Road to Healing — Awareness — Part 2
Posted by Second Chance to Live on April 24, 2009
In my awareness the obvious became apparent. I had no idea how to have a relationship with God, myself or other people.
In my struggle to have relationships I pursued perfection. I thought, “If I can just be perfect then people will not go away — and I can have relationships with them”. My attempts to be perfect quickly turned into a self-defeating and self-sabotaging behavior. In my attempt to be perfect, perfectionism became the driving force in my life. Through my recovery process I discovered that I was driven to be perfect at a very early age out of my fear of abandonment.
Perfectionism demanded that I be perfect with the threat that anything less would be unacceptable. Anything less than perfection — compliance — would be met with criticism. Criticism would be followed by blame. Over time and through repeated and ongoing criticism for not getting “it” right I internalized the belief that I did not just make mistakes but that I was a mistake. As part of the conditioning to comply and be perfect I became a very driven, impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive individual.
In my frantic state of trying to be perfect — so that people would not criticize, blame, reject or abandon me — I projected my frustration outward through criticism and judgment. Because I spent much of my time guessing at what was normal, I bought into the notion that having high expectations of my relationships was normal, appropriate and justified. Consequently, my expectations frequently undermined and contaminated my relationships. In the process my relationships took on stipulations.
To read Part 3 of this article, please click on the following link. Thank you. Part 3
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This entry was posted on April 24, 2009 at 3:56 am and is filed under 12 Step Recovery, abuse and neglect, abuse and trauma, acceptance, Acquired Brain Injury, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Awareness Acceptance Action, Being Healed, Bob Woodruff, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury, Brain Injury Associations, Caregivers, celebrities with brain injuries, cerebral vascular accident, characteristics of traumatic brain injury, Children of Trauma, Closed Head Injury, Codependency, Department of Defence, Department of Veteran Affairs, Desert Storm Veterans, Destiny, empowerment, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, family, fear of failure, finding your bliss, flash explosion leading to brain Injury, Friends, Gulf War Veterans, head injury, Healthy Self-Care, Identified Patient, Invisible Disability, Iraq veterans, Iraq War Veterans, Learning, learning disabilities, Life, life challenging experiences, Limitations, living life on life's terms, living my destiny, Living with a Disability, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with meaning and purpose, Major Media Outlooks, Major News Networks, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, Motivaional Speaker, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, Ophra Winfrey, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Personal, Personal empowerment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, relationships, self-esteem, self-improvement, Self-Respect, shame, spinal cord injury, stroke, Subdural Hematoma, The Grieving Process, toxic shame, traumatic / acquired brain injury, Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury and Anger, Traumatic Brain and Comfort, Traumatic Brain Injury, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, Veterans of the Iraq War, Vietnam Veterans, visual impairment. Tagged: emotional abandonment, Having a relationship with a loving God, Having a Relationship with Yourself, Learning to love and accept yourself, Pavlov's dogs, Peace with God, Peace withYourself, perfectionism, Pervasive Anxiety, self-defeating self-sabotaging behaviors, State of Hypervigilance, Toxic Shame Codependency. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.